Addressing Performance Issues Without Undermining Trust

Aim for clarity and respect—not zero discomfort

If you hesitate because you want to preserve a positive relationship, that concern is understandable. But avoiding a performance conversation can leave someone unaware of what needs to change while frustration builds around them.

Your goal is not to make feedback painless. It is to make it fair, understandable, and useful. You cannot guarantee that someone will feel motivated immediately. You can give them a clear explanation, room to respond, and a realistic path to improvement.

For founders and CEOs, this also means checking whether changing priorities or unclear expectations contributed to the problem.

Prepare facts before interpretations

Before scheduling the conversation, write down four things:

• The expectation: What result or behavior was required? Was it communicated?
• The observation: What specifically happened, and when?
• The impact: What did it affect—customers, deadlines, quality, or colleagues?
• The desired change: What would acceptable performance look like?

Replace judgments such as “You lack ownership” with observable details: “The last two project updates arrived after the agreed deadline, and neither included the risks we had agreed to track.”

Use a small number of relevant examples rather than presenting a catalog of every past frustration. If you cannot identify a clear standard, start by establishing expectations rather than treating the situation as a failure to meet them.

Open directly, privately, and calmly

Choose a private setting with enough time to talk. Avoid delivering substantive corrective feedback in a public meeting or an abrupt chat message.

You could say:

“I want to talk about the last two project updates and agree on how to get them back on track. We agreed they would arrive Thursday with delivery risks included. Both came Friday without those risks, which meant the team planned without information it needed. How do you see what happened?”

This opening names the purpose, expectation, gap, and impact without attacking the person. Skip the praise sandwich: unrelated compliments can obscure the message. Warmth comes from your tone, attention, and willingness to help—not from hiding the concern.

Listen before deciding on the solution

Once you have described the gap, pause. Ask questions that help distinguish among unclear priorities, workload, skill gaps, dependencies, and missed commitments:

• “What got in the way?”
• “Were the priorities and deadline clear?”
• “What support or decision did you need from me?”

Listening does not mean abandoning accountability. It helps you choose an appropriate response. A training need requires a different solution from repeated missed commitments despite clear expectations and sufficient support.

Own your contribution where relevant: “I changed the scope midweek without revisiting the deadline. That contributed to the problem. Going forward, let's reset deadlines explicitly when scope changes.”

Turn the feedback into a shared plan

Ask the team member to propose next steps, then agree on a specific plan. Include:

1. The required outcome: What must change?
2. The next actions: What will they do differently?
3. Your support: What resources, clarification, or coaching will you provide?
4. The checkpoint: When will you review progress, and against what evidence?

For example: “For the next three weeks, send the update by Thursday at noon, including current risks and any decisions needed. Flag likely delays by Wednesday afternoon. I'll share a template today, and we'll review the first update together.”

Ask them to summarize the agreement in their own words. Send a brief written recap so neither person has to rely on memory.

Handle reactions without diluting the message

If someone becomes upset or defensive, slow down rather than arguing or withdrawing the feedback. You might say: “I can see this is difficult to hear. I want to understand your perspective, and we still need to address the missed deadlines.”

If they dispute the facts, examine the evidence and correct your account when warranted. If emotions prevent a productive discussion, take a short break and agree on when to resume.

Follow through afterward. Recognize specific progress, address continued gaps promptly, and keep the agreed check-ins. For repeated or serious issues, follow your organization's performance process and involve HR or qualified advice as appropriate. Be transparent about consequences; do not introduce them as a surprise.

For more structure, Jessica Hill Holm's workbook, Feedback That Builds Trust, helps leaders deliver honest, constructive feedback that strengthens trust, improves performance, and builds accountability without damaging relationships. For personal support preparing for a difficult conversation, consider a coaching call with Jessica.